December 29, 2009

Dear Body,

We've been together for 28 1/4, and for the majority of those years, it has been a bad relationship. I have treated you poorly, I have been too hard on you, and I haven't appreciated everything you do for me. I am truly sorry.

We have accomplished some wonderful things together. We are rarely sick, and never seriously. I've put you in many unwise situations, and somehow you come out on top. We carried a baby for 37 weeks. We breastfed him for a year. We've run and walked races. We've moved furniture, homes, states. You were able to hide on the outside what I was not able to hide on the inside. I have just begun to realize how strong we each are. Imagine how strong we could be if we were on the same team!

We have been through some terrible times together, too, and those are entirely my responsibility. I have starved you. I have purged you. I have told you how ugly and fat and ridiculous you are. I have told other people these things, too. I would never let someone talk about a friend or family member that way. Heck, I wouldn't let someone talk about an acquaintance that way! And yet, I have told you these things everyday for years. And years and years and years. For longer than I can remember, I have told you that you are inadequate.

That stops tonight. Tonight we become friends. Over time, I hope we can become best friends. I know it will not be an easy road. We have developed a very unhealthy relationship, and I will have to consciously make an effort to not belittle you, or expect too much too soon. However, I also cannot expect too little from you. You are capable of great things. You ARE a great thing.

So, Dear Body, here it is. Here is my love letter to you.

You have beautiful freckles. I love in the summer when you are a total freckly face. They are adorable!!
Your collarbone is lovely. I think it may be your best feature. I don't care if no one else every notices it. Know that it is one part of you that is always beautiful.
You have a great butt. Whatever size you are, it it nice!
Your boobs look pretty darn great, especially after having breastfed for 12 1/2 months!
Those tiny stretch marks low on your tummy... They are so slight and so faint. And we should be proud to have those battle scars. Way to go, girl! We gained 40 pounds throughout our pregnancy, and much of that very quickly at the end. Your stomach looks GREAT!
Your hair is pretty, whatever color it is.
Your eyes are beautiful.
You have a great smile, lips, and teeth.

There are many more things to love about you, and I hope to add to this journal as I discover and appreciate them. But I wanted both of us to know how much you already have going for you! If you never lose a pound, you have these qualities.

About that... If you never lose a pound, that's okay, But together, I think we can find a happy, healthy place for both of us. I think we can be a good example for our child. We can feel better physically and emotionally. We can lead a longer, healthier life. Because you know what, Body? We deserve it. We deserve to realize our inner fabulosity, harness it, unleash it, ride it, embrace it. Whatever fabulosity in a girl does (and admit it, we've never known because I've never let you feel fabulous) let's welcome it in!

Dear Body, I love you. I accept you. I forgive you for not living up to my expectations. I ask for your forgiveness in setting them so high. I will work on treating you the way you deserve to be treated.

Because Body, although I have never told you, I have recently realized how fortunate I am to have you. I am thankful for you. I am sorry it has taken me the better part of two decades to realize it.

You are beautiful. You are strong. You are worthy. You are deserving. You are enough.

"To me, you are perfect."

Love,

Dearie